Updated: Jan 28, 2020
I used to think that in order to achieve, I needed to strive and work REALLY hard to force the outcome that I desperately 'needed.' Control was my sacred tool, and I used it to manipulate the elements to bring me my wishes.
Have you done this too?
This has served me well. It saw me receiving near perfect marks throughout my traditional education, playing competitive soccer in my youth, and receiving every single job I'd ever interviewed for.
Whenever I had a strong desire, I would will it into being. I would lay all of my eggs in one basket, because I intuitively knew that it would happen, and it nearly always did. This process felt exhausting, however.
I put a lot of life-force into thinking, wishing and desiring it to be - and not out of excitement, but out of fear...
Fear that I would not be enough if I 'failed' to receive the outcome that I desired was mortifying to me. If I got a B in a class, I would cry... I wanted to be perfect. My ability to achieve was what proved my worth, and when I fell short of my rigid expectations, a tsunami would surge, because.... well.... it felt like I was disintegrating.
Where was my innate value if my achievements were not validating my worth?
My womb awakening journey illuminated a different way, one that is full of ease - a way of manifestation through the art of magnetism and receptivity, one that is in co-creation with Universe - one that is exciting and full of joy.
Learning how to embody this art has been my growth edge. I have had to re-wire my brain and my body to remember that letting go of my will to Thy will is actually aligned with my highest and best good for my soul's evolution.
I've been recalibrating to the tool of the spiral in the remembrance that all evolution goes through cycles, which we can see mirrored in the Earth cycle around the sun, the moon's cycle around Earth, and our menstrual cycle within our bodies.
I have always felt comfortable in the growth phase, but the death cycle... that's another story... When the light starts to fade, when the leaves start to fall, when that client cancels her payment plan, when that friend forgets to call... it feels like emptiness.
For so long, it felt terrifying to have things fall away. I was a professional hoarder. I clung onto possessions and people, fearful that without them, I would be abandoned - one of my deepest core wounds.
I started to realize that clinging was doing me a disservice and that not allowing necessary parts of my life to fall away was keeping me from making space for fresh life to navigate me back to my centre. I started to see that taking the downward descent into the dark was (and is!) an essential process for me to reclaim lost parts of myself and integrate into wholeness.
I have been sitting with this affirmation: " I am the empty vessel, open and ready to receive."
It is easy for me to offer and much more challenging for me to receive (sound familiar? 😉). One compliment at a time, one door held open for me at a time, one offer to buy me a tea at a time - I am learning the art of receiving. I am allowing myself to be provided for, supported, held and helped.
I am remembering that receiving support does not make me weak, rather it makes me strong, the more aligned support that I allow in - the more space I create for Universe to fill my empty vessel for me to receive the abundance, dreams, and desires that my heart longs to birth.
Emptiness - this has been my sacred key, the wisdom teaching to unlock the gateways to abundance.
Every time that I already knew everything, or that I already had all of the answers - I closed doors, pushed away opportunities, and told the Universe "I am already full."
My biggest remembrance in this growth edge has been: emptiness is not loneliness - it is the spaciousness of ALL that I am.
I offer 1:1 Womb Awakening Mentorship that can support you to POWERFULLY anchor into your womb & alchemize any wounds that are ready to see the light. Turn your pain into pleasure and attune to the wisdom that longs to birth through you. Apply for a FREE Clarity Call to see if this is soul-aligned + in Divine time. Learn More Here.
Did this post speak to you in anyway?
Let me know in a comment below, click the heart to breathe energy into my work, or come on over to Wild Moon Sisters to share your experience.